The View From Here

I am not sure how to define myself right now. I feel like I’m still unpacking parts of myself from boxes long in storage, not really sure what’s in each box anymore. I have the freedom to toss and sort through things, try them on for a while or put them back in the box.

I do know a few things for certain.

I have been divorced for 8 months now, after 15 months of waiting for it to be finalized. I’m still dealing with the aftershocks of the divorce, which are still dragging on in several forms and pop up unexpectedly. I’m trying not to be angry and bitter about how things happened, but it’s not easy and to be honest, most days I don’t succeed.

I am still the mom of two, now defined as the primary custodial parent. It just means that I get to do all the work during the school year and they take off with Fun Dad for every vacation.

I am in a relationship with a Very Private Person, who is my other half, my best friend, loves my kids, makes me laugh and generally has been good for my soul.

I’m working part-time at a Quilt Shop a couple of days a week and work at home on sample quilts on the other days. I am looking for something with normal, daytime, full-time hours that doesn’t involve fast food or gasoline, but without success at this point.

I am a soccer mom – coaching G’s team this season – and a baseball mom – chauffeur, snack provider and cheering section for T.

I have had a re-evaluation of church, politics, economics and family in the last two years. I believe in God, I just don’t trust HIS people or HIS church to live up to HIS promises. I don’t think either political party has it right, because it’s not a right/wrong solution. I think that someone can do everything they can to get ahead and still be poor in this country, therefore treated as a lower form of person. I’m afraid this is something that can only be learned if you have been there/done that. I think that if you want true family, it is more who you choose, rather than who you were born to or grew up with. I’ve also found that the people that are suppose to care for you the most are most likely to hit the buttons that hurt the most and then tell you that you deserved it, purposefully or not.

I still have too many hobbies, although quilting is my life right now. This spring I was able to replace my sewing machine, justified because I make money with it. I still find time to knit (from my stash) in between projects or in the evenings. I just finished my first sweater and always have dish cloths, socks and a scarf on the needles. I have 9 more months to wait to replace my camera, so the photography is on hold for now. I haven’t found my rubber stamps (yet?) so I haven’t been able to scrapbook or make cards.

I am currently working toward gathering backpacking gear for the summer. At the top of the list is a good pack and boots for everyone. I found a small backpacking tent (for $30), a digital compass and a folding shovel last month. I have most of the stove, cookware and such in storage somewhere.

I really want to get into good shape this year. I hate how stress affects my body and I’m really tired of hurting physically.